3 Tears of Change by Kenneth Jones

Help often comes when we least expect it and in the most unexpected forms.

A random act of kindness and a few well-placed kind words can seem so insignificant, but when delivered at the right time they can be life changing. It was the summer of 2018, and I was in one of the most beautiful places in the world. To most people, this sounds like the start to a wonderful moment in time, one to be cherished forever. Right then for me, however, it wasn’t.

I recall the tears that streamed down my face as I slipped further over the edge into my own personal despair. When the drugs made their way to my brain, I was finally able to escape reality. Temporarily, I was able to leave my problems behind where life did not hurt quite so bad.

Every addict has been there and can relate in one way or another. Guilt, shame, and regret are all symptoms of a life poorly lived. There is no middle ground; addicts either get clean or die early. Suicide becomes a very real possibility for those of us that cannot conquer our demons. But in a brief moment of clarity, I decided to do something that seemed even more drastic than kill myself: I grabbed my dog, whatever I could fit into my backpack, and left what life I had there all behind.

It was just me, my dog Mikey, $80 in cash, and a backpack full of whatever I thought I would need as I was dropped off 1,200 miles away from home. The sound of the car driving away reverberated through my soul. It was one of the scariest moments of my life, but at least I was not dead.

Things went well at first, hiking up and down the Oregon Coast. Just Mikey and I sleeping under the stars in a different place every night. Once the novelty ran out, much like my money and supplies, things suddenly got real. One thing is for sure–there are still many good people in this world. Every time a stranger helped me, it softened my heart and left an impression I will never forget. Each one of these random acts of kindness pulled me further and further away from the abyss I had created for myself.

All of this led to a turnout on Highway 101 almost two months later. I thought I had hit rock bottom before, but nothing would prepare me for what happened that day. It was a warm summer day sometime in the middle of July. There was a slight breeze and the birds were singing a symphony composed just for me. I remember thinking how peaceful my surroundings were. It was so ironic because the environment around me was in direct contrast with how I felt inside. I was out of food and money with no way to help myself. I had missed the food bank the day before, which was how I fed myself the entire trip.

It is amazing the things we take for granted until they are gone. Things felt unfair. This trip was supposed to change my life. Yet there I sat so far from home feeling far worse than I had before I left. It is amazing how a lifetime of failure and poor decisions weighs on your conscience. It’s hard to admit, but at that moment I truly thought I was better off dead. It would have been one thing if it was just me, but I had Mikey to think of, too. Mikey was not just my dog; he was my best friend. He saved my life on more than one occasion, and I had failed him, too.

I sat on the side of the road in this lonely turnout on the Oregon Coast, and like a knife blade to my already troubled heart, I relived every poor decision I had ever made. Head down, arms draped over my knees, I cried for what felt like hours. A lifetime of hurt poured out all at once in an unstoppable torrent. All I could think about was how I wished the pain would stop.

The crunch of gravel snapped me out of my emotional stupor. When I looked up, I saw the front end of a Winnebago barreling towards me. My first instinct was to run because I was sure he did not see me and I was about to become the next addition to his grill. The gentleman screeched to a halt in a huge cloud of dust, literally inches from my feet.

The driver never introduced himself, so for the sake of clarity, I will call him John. John told me that he saw me sitting on the side of the road crying and could tell I could use some much-needed help. I told him all I really needed was a little food and I would be fine. He told me he didn’t have any food but asked me how much money I wanted.

“How much money I want? This guy has got to be crazy,” I thought to myself.

I told him a dollar or two would be awesome, just enough to get some food for Mikey. John proceeded to tell me that he was a millionaire and wanted to help me.

“Yep, he is definitely crazy,” I thought.

He told me that he would give me a dollar or two and drive off, or I that could tell him how much money I wanted. This again.

“Okay, how about $20?” I asked.

Still not an adequate response for my newly acquired millionaire friend, he told me he would give me every $20 bill in his pocket. I watch in astonishment as John pulled out the biggest wad of cash I had ever seen in my life. Hundred, hundred, hundred, fifty, fifty, fifty, hmm, maybe he was not crazy. True to his word, he gave me every $20 bill in his pocket, a total of $80. It is amazing how things in life go full circle.

At this point, I am bawling like a newborn. I cannot believe this is happening. Things like this are not supposed to happen to people like me. I was crying, John was crying, and if the money was not enough, he said something that would change my life forever. John looked me right in the eye and said, “It’s not about want. It’s about ability. You help other people in this life. That’s what it’s all about.”

I cannot say I have always believed in fate or that things happen for a reason, but after this happened, it was hard not to. A life of poor decisions had led me to that exact moment. This was exactly what I needed to hear, delivered at exactly the right moment, to put my life into perspective. Each one of us has the ability to impact another’s life–to change it for the better. People should always be kind to one another because you never know when a random act of kindness or a few kind words are going to be life-changing, even life-saving, to a person in need.

This event planted the seeds that I now live my life by. I remember what that man said to me and think about it all the time. Each of us has the ability to impact someone else and leave this world–and the people we come into contact with–better than when we arrived.