2 My Grandmother by Mason Hughes

My grandmother passed away from cancer when I was fifteen or sixteen years old; my memory fails to remember exactly when. Before passing away, she was the glue that held my family together.

Things were so much better when she was alive. She lived a distance away, but whenever something happened, she was always there. For example, one time my mother was in a bad car accident that took place overnight, and I woke up to my grandmother there to explain what happened. I imagine she herself woke up in the middle of the night and without a second thought drove the distance to support me and my siblings. She stayed with us for many months, caring for us.

Years later, at the time she was diagnosed with cancer, I was addicted to drugs. My drug addiction caused me to neglect those in my family that mattered to me the most, including my grandmother who only wanted the best for me and my life. She was an elderly woman by then who didn’t want chemotherapy to affect the last little bit of time she had left.

I am thankful that in a moment of lucidity, I brought my daughter to see her before she passed away. I do not think my daughter remembers, but I hope one day she might. I remember being floored—even through the numbing feeling of my addiction–hearing about the quick decline of my grandmother’s mental state.

I was too afraid to visit her before she passed. She was critical of the addiction that was passed from her son, may father, to me, and I did not want to face the disappointment I know I would have seen in her eyes. I was being selfish not to go. Then weeks later, I was attending her funeral where I showed up too late and unwell.

It was not until coming to prison that I realized the consequences of my actions. Upon reflection, I recognized how selfish I had acted and how much I had hurt my grandmother. I hope she was able to forgive me.

She wanted to travel to Hawaii in her last days and was unable to because she was on oxygen and could not fly. Once I am released, I will bring her ashes to Hawaii. I will honor her memory and share with my daughter the many incredible stories about the amazing grandmother I had.